#1 Threat to America: PIRATES!!!!

Editor's note: In no way do I condone piracy or other forms of violence. That being said, arrrr!!! Shiver me timbers!! This post be about the skyrocketing number of pirate attacks happening recently. Avast, I'm totally serious.

I'd heard about a few earlier in the year, most recently the well-publicized hijacking of a Saudi oil ship, but it wasn't until today that I learned the full extent of the epidemic. The WSJ has a little graph showing the number of attacks Jan-Sept of this year vs last year, and the 2008 number is SEVEN TIMES greater than the 2007 one (31 vs. 199).

Ahoy, mateys! We must band together to fight the scourge o' these ne'er-do-well cads! Yo-ho!

Kudos to India for getting the ball rolling.

Mouse Patrol

Guess what! My webcam came in the mail yesterday! Yay!!!!

I had completely forgotten that I had even bought it, since it was kind of an impulse buy and I tend to lose interest in things like that very quickly, but receiving the package yesterday totally reignited my passion for lifecasting. You can view our channel below; it's called "Mouse Patrol":

Watch live video from Three's Company on Justin.tv

I describe it thusly: imagine if Modest Mouse and Snow Patrol came together, and then pointed a webcam at my stove. Kinda like that!

My crush on Joel McHale continues...

Clips like this are why I love Joel McHale. He knows that you don't watch TRL (it's not 1999 anymore) and so you probably missed this fan reprising his 2000 dancing debut in honor of TRL's last episode. So he brings it to you, in the form of the Clip of the Week:



Thanks, Joel! What gym does he go to????

A friendly gift? Or something more?

Tyra "kiss my fat ass" Banks has given the gift of true femininity to Isis King, whom you may remember as Top Model's very first publicity stunt--I mean, transgendered contestant. The penis-ectomy normally costs between 20 and 35K, but Tyra has arranged for it to be performed pro-bono (but I thought it was anti-bono! Hahahaha, okay I'm done).

http://www.nydailynews.com/gossip/2008/11/17/2008-11-17_tyra_banks_gives_top_model_contestant_is.html

Now she can ace those pool photo shoots! Just like Tyra...

Nebraska hates children

I read about this story a couple of days/weeks back in the WSJ, but I didn't take it quite seriously. I mean the WSJ always has that weird column about like the Olive Garden and snowmobiling and random shit like that, so I kinda figured it was just another one of those. Oh, but I was wrong!

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/11/14/nebraska.safe.haven/index.html?eref=rss_topstories


So apparently Nebraska really has had a rash of child abandonments since passing a "safe haven" law intended for babies, and it really is stuck with a whole mess o' kids it doesn't know what to do with. Note that we're not talking about two or three here: the state has now received thirty-four abandoned children, most of which are teenagers, coming from as far away as Florida.

Jeez. Imagine the confusion of the fourteen-year-old from Miami upon realizing that dad's surprise trip to Nebraska really wasn't about showing him the new "Omaha Disney". Sorta funny... but also really, really f'ed up...

You go girl!

Hill's back, bitches! Almost-President-elect Hillary Clinton is reportedly being considered for the top job, Secretary of State, in Actual-President-elect Obama's administration.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/14/transition.wrap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

After a short review of the order of presidential succession on Wikipedia, I learned that if Hill is selected, she will be, as they say, just "three heartbeats away" from the highest office in our nation. Although that's pretty darn close, it's still behind the President pro tempore of the Senate, and who has any idea what the fuck that is?

While I conduct some further Wikipedia research, I encourage you all to light your ceremonial Hillary Clinton candles, join the hands of your Hillary and Barack voodoo dolls, and sing your pro-Hillary chants (Hiiiiiiillary, humanumhumanumhumanumhumanum, Hiiiiiillary....)--I think we've got a real shot this time!

Martin Eisenstadt: "I am not a hoax" [Nixon-esque jowl jiggle]

We all knew that Sarah Palin wasn't the brightest crayon in the box, or the sharpest tool in the shed, or even the shiniest marble in the marble bag, but not knowing that Africa was a continent? Come on. That almost unbelievable claim raised more than a few eyebrows, and as it turns out, for good reason.

Martin Eisenstadt, the supposed McCain advisor and senior fellow at the Harding Institute who leaked this and other "inside information" to the press, is today revealed by the NYTimes to be nothing more than a publicity hoax. The story is here:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/13/arts/television/13hoax.html?em

Interestingly, however, Mr. Eisenstadt has a blog, on which he asserts his existence and claims that he is emphatically NOT a hoax. Huh????

http://www.eisenstadtgroup.com/

What is this world coming to. If we can't believe in blogs, what can we believe in???