Out of the frying pan into the fryer / rock and a hard place / damned if you do, damned if you don't / etc.

Shit just keeps getting worse. GM disclosed today (Friday) that it has suspended merger talks with Chrysler indefinitely, due to its deteriorating cash position. Chrysler, owned by Cerberus, is still single-and-looking, but the likelihood of it finding a suitor is unclear.

http://dealbook.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/11/07/gm-suspends-merger-talks-with-chrysler/

We've all heard this tale before. It's the classic love story. Boy meets girl, boy proposes to girl, boy drops out of merger talks due to deteriorating cash position... poor Chrysler. Don't worry, hun; you keep your head up. You'll find him eventually!

How to make money in the stock market without really trying

A funny thing happened on the way to the NYSE trading floor. The United States had its worse two-month job loss since 2001. A sign of an impending recession? Perhaps one that has already begun? No, apparently. Not according to equity traders, at least, who are, in the words of the NYTimes, "not letting a barrage of grim economic news get them down."

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/08/business/08markets.html?hp

Awwww. Well isn't that nice? The economy may suck shit, but the equity values of the companies that operate in that economy are rising because if they didn't traders would be sad. :( :( :( And we've all seen enough photos of distressed traders to know what an awful tragedy that would be. (At least I have, but if you just can't ever get enough then I recommend this blog: http://sadguysontradingfloors.tumblr.com/)

You want 'em, I got 'em

Apparently, despite its boring, Schnabel-free coverage, NYTimes issues from November 5, 2008 are a hot commodity these days.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/11/06/obama.newspapers.ap/index.html?eref=rss_topstories

Well, guess what: I've got TWO of 'em. Muahahahaha! I'm rich! Rich, I tell you!!!!

I plan to use my new windfall to quit my job and buy a tropical island, perhaps Puerto Rico or that nice archipelago in the Pacific.. what's it called.. ah yes, Hawaii. Now accepting applications for monkey butlers.

It's easy to miss Russia, all tucked away down there...

Evidently the NYTimes' Page Six isn't *quite* the same as the NYPost's. It just doesn't have the same cache, if you know what I mean. That's why they stick all the boring stories there. Like this one, from today's paper.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/06/world/europe/06russia.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

It's called "Russia Warns of Missile Deployment". Booooooring. Russia? Russia who? Who gives a fuck about that washed-up oligarchy? I want to hear about today's nuclear divas--Pakistan, North Korea, Iran--you know, the real celebrities.

And Schnabel. You can never have too much Schnabel.

Obama wins in least climactic election night in recent history

Well, Obama won last night. No big surprise there. And although watching the election results was uniquely boring, since Obama's win was basically a foregone conclusion, I have to say that, frankly, I'm pretty excited about it.

I am most encouraged by Obama's background as a community organizer in inner-city Chicago. The political discourse in this country almost never touches America's cities, with their high crime rates, failing schools and, oh yeah, btw, most of the population. Now we finally have a president who understands the problems plagueing our metropolitan areas and may actually pay a small amount of attention to them (not that you'd know it from the shots of flowing grain and suburban streets that graced his infomercial, but whatev). So I'm hopeful about that.

I'm also happy for black people because, come on, they don't usually get a break in this country and they deserve it. Throw them a bone; let them have one president. We've had oodles of them and we'll probably have oodles more--we can spare it.

And although from a personal perspective a Democratic president probably isn't in my "best interest", I really do think that the liberal ideology is best-suited for the country as a whole. While listening to the selfish idiots who make 60K a year rant about how their taxes are going to go up, I was reminded of an interview Stephen Colbert did about a week ago with Sherman Alexie. Below please find a video and a choice quote from Mr. Alexie. It's very JFK-Ask not what your country can do for you-esque. Enjoy... and celebrate... after eight years, we've earned it.

McCain is great for Indians...but he's bad for the country. Unlike other groups of people...we Indians vote for the good of everybody and not just for the good of our little group.

Affleck's hilarious Olbermann impression

This clip will definitely resonate with anyone who watches Countdown. No matter how liberal you may be, you've gotta admit that Keith Olbermann is kind of a nut job. I mean, let's just be real here, if he weren't involved in politics he really would spend the entire show railing on his neighbors and on that guy who works at the deli in the grocery store who charged him for a whole pound of turkey but only gave him 0.97 lbs. THE BASTARD!!!

Good humor on Olbermann's part for showing it on last night's show, although by conspicuously mentioning Affleck's "apology" letter immediately afterwards he basically confirmed the accuracy of whole skit. And congrats to Ben Affleck for an awesome and impressively long impersonation (no teleprompter, cue cards only, wow).

Election Day

GO VOTE, MOTHERFUCKERS!!!!!

And when you're done, make sure to party up with ironically-themed drinks and snackums. I've compiled a list of suggestions, some original and some stolen from more clever people.

1. "Fundamentally strong" drinks
a. McCain Campaign on the rocks
b. Joe the Plummer (plum-favored)
2. Mav-ritz crackers
3. Pigs in a blanket, with "lipstick" dipping sauce
4. Nachos (okay, these aren't really themed, but so so tasty)